Hitched & Hitched Again: A Comedy of Marital Mayhem ( Elysia and Tarquin)

The beam from Tarquin's flashlight cut through the darkness, and for a split

second, he was reminded of a character from an anime.

No-Face.

Yeah, that was it. No-Face.

Except this No-Face had to be at least seven feet tall!noveldrama

But unlike the quiet, eerie No-Face from the anime, the figure in front of him was growling like a grizzly bear!

Not exactly true to character.

Tarquin had a pretty good guess about what was going on. He pressed his lips together, about to ask when a sudden noise rustled above his head.

He looked up—and nearly dropped his flashlight.

There, hanging upside down from a tree branch, was a ghost!

A ghost, with its face covered in what looked like blood. In fact, its whole body

was smeared in red-pretty gruesome at first glance.

Tarquin couldn't help but roll his eyes a little. After a beat, he called out,

"...Evan, Bernard."

Evan immediately yanked off the No-Face mask, his eyes wide with curiosity.

"Dad, how'd you know it was us?"

Bernard, meanwhile, leapt down from the branch and whipped off the blood- soaked sheet, peering at Tarquin with the same question,

"Yeah, what gave us away?"

Tarquin didn't answer right away-he'd noticed a fresh scrape on Bernard's forehead.

"Bernard, what happened to your head?"

"Got smacked by the old lady!"

Tarquin: "?!"

Bernard explained, "She caught me swiping another bed sheet. Chased me all over the house. If I didn't come back with a battle scar, she wouldn't have let it go! She's tough as nails, that woman."

He seemed almost proud, not one bit embarrassed about being walloped by a woman.

Evan chimed in, "Bernard's got this thing about stealing the bed sheets at home. Great-Gran can't keep up with how fast he nicks them."

"She finally caught him in the act today, totally lost it, and gave him a good whack!"

Bernard just waved it off. “No big ̧ deal! Just a scratch. My only regret is I didn't get enough sheets to play the swamp monster. That one's way more impressive! Ghosts just aren't my style, you know?"

५

Evan nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I like the swamp monster too."

Bernard grinned, "Give it a couple days-once Great-Gran gets some new sheets, I'll snag a few more."

Evan looked worried. "But she said if you steal her bed sheets again, she'll break your legs and you'll never leave the house."

Bernard turned to him conspiratorially, "Then you help me next time! She adores you, Evan. If you get caught, she couldn't bring herself to lay a finger on you!"

Evan shrugged helplessly. "That's true, but Bernard, did you forget? She said if I steal anything, you get the blame anyway."

Bernard: "..."

Tarquin: "..."

No wonder the two of them had been so hyped when he mentioned his plan earlier. They just loved this sort of thing.

They'd dashed home to "gear up"-which apparently meant raiding the linen closet for sheets...

Tarquin eyed the sheet Bernard was holding. It was still sticky and reeked of iron.

"What's this stuff supposed to be?" he asked.

"Pig's blood! Looks real, right? I'm gonna splash a few drops on those jerks later-scare the life outta them. But you still haven't told us-bow'd you know it was us?"

"Just a hunch," Tarquin replied.

"A hunch? Man, you're good at this."

Tarquin didn't answer, just shook his head.

Bernard suddenly had a bright idea. "Hey, next time, will you help Grandpa swipe some sheets? Elysia adores you-she'd never lay a hand on you for my sake! And I won't make you do it for

nothing-Grandpa'll put on a whole swamp monster show! It'll blow your mind, promise!"

Tarquin's mouth twitched, but he managed a reluctant nod, playing along with the

old man's antics.