The Art of Starting Over

Devorah paced in front of the living room window, stopping occasionally to peer at the cars driving by. Cordelia watched her every move, undoubtedly judging her. She’d thought about sitting in the rocker on the porch or even on the step, but she didn’t want to seem too obvious. Crow needed to come home. Not only did she want to talk to him about what had happened at tryouts; she also wanted to ask him if he’d be around later.

Earlier, when Hayden had dropped Maren and her off and subsequently asked her to the movies, she wanted to tell him no. Mostly because she wasn’t ready to date or even put herself out there to consider the possibility. It had only been a month since she’d found out about Chad and Ester, and while in high school a month was plenty of time to move on, it wasn’t enough time when a marriage ended. Especially when it ended because of adultery.

Still, Devy wanted to go to the movies. She wanted to feel alive, and Hayden sort of made her feel that way. His subtle touches, the smile he always seemed to have for her, and his presence made her feel like she could get through the days ahead.

Crow finally pulled into the driveway. Dev’s heart lurched in her chest, and her anxiety spiked. It had been years since she’d waited for her dad to come home. They had long given up on having a father/daughter relationship by the time she began dating Chad. As long as she obeyed his rules, they would have no issues and no need to talk about things.

Devy met her dad at the door. She opened it before he could and startled him. He placed his hand over his heart and breathed deeply. “Devorah, are you trying to kill me?”

Deep down, she knew he meant it jokingly, but his deep booming voice said otherwise. “Sorry,” she muttered and stepped aside.

“Don’t,” Crow said. “Don’t act like that.”

“Like what?”

“Sheepishly,” he told her. “Be strong, Dev. Stand up for yourself.”

She looked at her dad for a long moment and nodded. “I’m trying.”

Crow sighed. “You startled me because I’m not used to anyone being here when I come home. Thank you for opening the door.”

He then did the unexpected and pulled her into his arms. At first, she was rigid and caught off guard. She inhaled his woodsy scent and finally relaxed, putting her arms around him.

They released each other at the same time. Crow cupped his daughter’s face and looked into her eyes. “I mean it when I say you need to stand up for yourself, Devorah. That man and what he’s done to you is inexcusable and not your fault. Stop letting him win.”

Crow stepped back, crouched, and gave Cordelia some loving pets. Devy nodded because it was easier than trying to find the words to agree. The last thing she wanted was to be seen as weak. Once Crow moved away from the door, she shut it and followed him into the kitchen, testing the questions she had for him in her mind. Crow stood at the counter, facing the now-open cabinet.

“What’s on your mind?”

She inhaled deeply. “Did everything go okay at the station after . . .”

Crow turned and met her gaze. Her automatic response was to slink back, but Crow’s raised eyebrow made her stop. How had she become this meek person? Despite Devy and her dad not having the best relationship while she was growing up, he’d taught Colt and her to stand up for themselves. To face adversity head on.

Devorah squared her shoulders and faced her father. A small grin started to form on Crow’s lips, but it stopped, and he shook his head.

“Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t ask. It’s private.”

“It’s not private,” he told her. “It’s between DJ, Noble, and Maren. He will apologize, and if he doesn’t or if he tries to pull anything again, he’ll be off the team.”

“His dad is the coach.”

“Don’t matter here,” he said. “What the boy did was wrong. His father knows better. Lord knows he’s spent enough time in my office over the years. If I don’t catch them when they’re young, they turn into delinquents. His father should thank me.”

“I’m afraid Maren will be teased at school because of today.”

Crow sighed. “Then maybe her grandfather needs to drive her to school on Monday.”

Devy nodded. Most people respected the sheriff, and if they knew Maren belonged to him, then maybe things would be okay.

“Thank you for stepping in today.”

“The other boy, Lee McKenna’s grandson? I remember Lee saying something on our last fishing trip about his kid coming back to town. Allie’s?”

Devy shook her head. “Hayden moved back. He’s Conor’s dad.”

Crow’s face brightened. “Ah, yes. Hayden, I remember. He used to be sweet on you. Still is, from what I can see.”

“Dad . . .” Devorah blushed. “That was a long time ago. We’re just friends now.”

Not if Hayden has anything to say about it.

Crow waved her comment away. “I’d like to talk to young Conor and explain that what he did was honorable, but I don’t condone putting hands on someone.”

“I’ll let Hayden know, which brings me to my next question. Will you be home this evening? Hayden invited me to the movies.”

Crow pointed his thick finger at her. Cordelia barked, not liking the gesture. Crow patted her on her head. “I knew it. I like him and approve.”

“There’s nothing to approve of. He’s been a good friend since I got here, and he’s going through something similar. His wife died not too long ago.”

“Go, have fun. Maren and I will order pizza and watch a movie.”

Devorah did a double take. “You watch movies?”

“With her, yes.”

But never with his own kids.

“Well, thank you. I’ll let her know. Her favorite kind of pizza is Hawaiian.”

“Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza,” he said as he threw his hands up.

“There’s a healthy argument on the internet about this. If you want her to eat, order the pizza with pineapple.” She turned and started out of the kitchen.

“Devorah?”

She paused in the doorway and turned toward her father.

“I want you to know, this is always your house. You are always welcome. I know I don’t always show it, but I love you and hate that you’re going through this. I wish there was something I could do to make things easier for you. Believe me when I tell you this—I want nothing more than to wring Chad’s neck for how he’s disrespected you. You and Maren deserve better. As your father, seeing you go through this is heartbreaking, and it angers me.”

Devy’s heart jumped into her throat. She swallowed the lump and searched for the necessary words to say back to him. Her eyes watered as she began to speak. “You’re making things easier by letting Maren and I live here. I don’t know where I would be right now if I didn’t have you and Colt.” She looked at the wall, closed her eyes, and willed the tears away. When she opened her eyes, she looked at her dad again. “I love you too, Dad.”

Crow took two giant steps and held his arms out for his daughter. This moment trumped the earlier hug and would be something Devorah would never forget. She ran the rest of the way to her father and sobbed when his big strong arms held her to his chest. The hug was what most people called a “bear hug.” For Dev, it was much-needed attention from a father she longed to reconnect with.

This was the man she had needed many years ago, when she’d lost her mother. She’d longed to feel him hold her, for him to let her cry on his shoulder, to pound on his broad chest in frustration. Devy was young, and aside from the women in the community, she’d had no one to guide her from being an adolescent into her teens, adulthood, and then motherhood.

Standing there in his arms, she didn’t want to let go. She wanted to absorb everything she could from the hug and hold on to it so when the moment passed, she’d still have it pressing against her heart.

More tears came, and his grip tightened around her. Coming back to Oyster Bay, back to her childhood home, had been the right decision.

“Don’t cry,” he said as he brushed his hand down her hair. “It’ll be okay. He can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him.”

“Thank you.”

When they finally parted, Crow looked away and cleared his throat. Devy told herself it was because her rugged and often stoic father had cried a bit, and he was far too macho to let her see. She didn’t need to see his tears to know he cared.

Devorah went through the clothes she had and picked the warmest things she had brought with her from Chicago, which wasn’t much. With her dad and Maren out getting pizza, she went into Crow’s closet and pulled out one of his flannel jackets. He would wear them in the fall, when out chopping wood. She held it to her nose and inhaled deeply, taking in her father’s woodsy cologne.

She added the jacket to the growing pile of blankets and snacks and put an extra pair of socks in her purse just in case her feet got cold. It was still spring, after all. The heap was more than they would need, and this was all assuming Hayden wouldn’t bring anything, which was silly. He was the one who’d invited her; of course he would bring the necessities.

The rumble of his truck sent her heart into a tailspin. She ran to the door and then waited until she heard him coming up the stairs. When the first sound of the creak in the screen door started, she swung the front door open and scared him. Much like she had done with her father earlier.

“Hey,” he said as coolly as possible. He placed his hand on the doorjamb and leaned.

Devorah swallowed hard. There was no mistake in her mind: Hayden was flirting. Everything in her screamed for her to flirt back, but she was hesitant to give him that side of her again. They’d been down that road before. He could never commit, and she’d ended up with Chad.

Still, the sexy, suave, and oh-so-good-looking Hayden was standing on her front porch again, like all those years before. They were both different, grown up, with other responsibilities. Flirting with Hayden wouldn’t hurt her.

“Hey,” was all her clouded mind could come up with.

They stood there, like two teens going on a first date. It wasn’t until someone drove by and honked that they both moved.

“Come in.” She stepped aside and held the door for him. “Crow took Maren to pick up pizza, so if we hurry, we can avoid him.”

“Do we need to hurry?”

“No, but it’s Crow, and he usually scares the crap out of people.”

Hayden chuckled, but it didn’t sound like a happy laugh. More like he’d been on the receiving end of Crow scaring the crap out of him.

“Don’t sound so scared,” she said, teasing him. “Crow likes you.”

“Does he now?”

“Yep, told me earlier. I mean, it makes sense. He’s close with your dad. Did you know they fish together?”

“I may have heard something about fishing. Although, I’m not sure a lot of fishing gets done with those two.”

“Do you think they gab as much as the CC Club?”

Hayden nodded furiously. “I hate to say it, but that’s what our future looks like.”

Devorah laughed and then caught herself. She had every intention of going back to Chicago, back to the life she had in the city, volunteering for the PTA, and running the little company she’d founded. Since being back in Oyster Bay, she hadn’t even opened her email to see if anyone had tried to hire her.

Hayden met her confused gaze and shrugged. “I know you haven’t made a decision on whether you’re staying or not, but for what it’s worth, I’d like you to stay.”

Devorah nodded and made her way over to the dining room table, where all the things she’d gathered sat in a pile. Thankfully, Hayden was behind her, so he couldn’t see her face. She wasn’t sure what he’d see, other than confusion, curiosity, and maybe even the teenage longing that used to be there. She could easily give in to Hayden’s charm. Part of her wanted to, but she was proof that high school romances didn’t last, and she couldn’t put her heart through any more pain. Although Hayden hadn’t exactly hurt her. He’d just never fully given himself to her, despite her wanting him.

She cleared her thoughts. They were going to the movies. As friends. Right now, she needed all the friends she could get. Even the unbelievably sexy, caring, and downright untouchable kind.

“I put some things together, but then I realized you’d probably bring stuff, so I sort of just stopped.” She pointed at the pile. “Except this stuff. I plan to bring it.”

“Do you think it’s going to snow?”

She looked at the clothes in her arms and shook her head. “I don’t like being cold.”

“You lived in Chicago and don’t like being cold?”

Devy shrugged. “We had heat.”

This time Hayden laughed.

“And it’s not like I was out in the cold doing things. When I had to go someplace, I would use the auto-start on my car so it would be warm when I got in. I don’t ski or anything, and honestly, I hate the snow. And now that I’m thinking about it, I hated Chicago.” Those words took her by surprise.

“You hated Chicago?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding. “The more I think about my life here and then there, the more I’ve concluded that Chad has made all my decisions for me. I didn’t want to go to Northwestern, but he did, and he made me think it’s where I wanted to go. Does that make sense?”

“It’s how manipulation works.”

“Huh, well, there ya go.”

“Does that mean you’re staying in OB?”

“It’s not just about me. I have Maren to think about. Divorces are messy, and who knows what kind of visitation Chad will end up with? I definitely can’t afford to fly her back and forth . . .” Devorah paused and looked at her pile. “Anyway, I hate being cold.”

“Well, good. I’m glad we got that out in the open. I have an electric blanket for the back, and I put the air mattress back there to give us some cushion to sit on.”

“Oh, well, that sounds lovely.”

Hayden chuckled. “It will be,” he said as he took the things from her arms. He held up a sweatshirt and Crow’s jacket and told her to pick.

She chose Crow’s jacket.

As he’d done in the past, he held the door for her and then jogged around the front. She couldn’t take her eyes off his backside, even as her mind reminded her of what he looked like with his shirt off. Time had been good to Hayden.

“You know,” he said as he pulled onto the street, “I haven’t been to the drive-in since I was seventeen.”

“Same,” she said. “I guess no one really goes when they’re in college because who the hell has a car to take everyone, and Chad hated them, so we never took Maren.”

“We’ll have to take the kids one weekend. They’d have a blast.”

“They would. Speaking of . . .” She looked over at Hayden. “Crow would like to speak with Conor about the incident. He’s not in trouble or anything. It’s just Crow’s way of making sure the kids in town know right from wrong.”

“Sure, I can bring him by tomorrow.” Hayden pulled up behind the last car in line and waited. “What happened with Noble’s kid?”

“Crow talked to him, told him to knock it off or he wouldn’t be allowed to play baseball this year.”

“I’m sure that went over well with Dalton.”

“I’m afraid there will be some type of retaliation. I don’t know. Right now, I feel like an outsider, watching as everyone talks about me in front of me and not behind my back. I see the stares and people whispering.”

“Ignore them, and if Dalton retaliates, Colt and I will take care of it.”

“What are you going to do, beat him up?”

Hayden flexed his arm. The short sleeve of his T-shirt stretched over his bicep. “Do you want to touch it?”

Devy laughed and squeezed. “Okay, muscle man. You’re just like all the deputies I know. Always working out.”

“Nah, this is from working on the ranch on my days off. All the heavy lifting.”

“Do you miss it? Wyoming?”

Hayden pulled forward and rolled his window down in preparation to pay. “Yes and no. I don’t miss chasing kids through fields because they went cow tipping, but I miss the work on the ranch, the horses, and Conor’s grandparents. I can do without the memories or the tears, and the way they coddled Sofia’s cousin. My son lost his mother, and her cousin should be in jail.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hayden McKenna, is that you?” Devorah’s heart jumped at the sound of her former best friend’s voice. Laila Dixon and Dev had been inseparable, until Chad. He’d changed everything. Until now, Devy never realized how Chad had alienated her from her friends. Her hometown. From the people she loved. Even though she had a complicated relationship with Crow, Chad had kept Devy and Maren from visiting OB.

Hayden turned at the mention of his name. “In the flesh.”

Devorah leaned forward to glimpse the girl-turned-woman who knew her deepest, darkest secrets. Especially those she’d told Laila about Hayden. Devorah waved at Laila, surprised to see her still working the booth at the drive-in. Maybe coming back or even staying in Oyster Bay wouldn’t be so bad. Not with Laila and Hayden around. It could be like old times. Minus the make-out sessions with Hayden, because Devorah wasn’t going to let herself go there again.

“Hey, Laila. How are you?”

Laila leaned to the side while Hayden pushed himself into the seat cushion. “Um . . .”

“Devorah Crowley,” she said quietly. Did Laila not remember her? That stung, but she deserved it after the way Devy had treated her and dismissed their friendship.

“Oh, Devorah. I didn’t know you were visiting.”

“Yeah, I’m back for a bit.” She guessed the rumors weren’t flying as fast as she thought.

Laila tried to smile, but it failed to lift her cheeks. Devy gave up. She didn’t need any more embarrassment for the day.

Hayden paid and found them a spot in the back, where they wouldn’t block a smaller car from seeing the screen. He got out and started setting up the back. Devy helped as much as she could, but he had everything under control.

“You can’t let Laila bother you.”

“At this point, I shouldn’t let anything that happens bother me.”

Hayden helped Devy climb in the back. “Think about it this way: Laila has lived here her entire life. She probably married her high school sweetheart and has two point five children. We grew up and left, and now we’re back and the talk of the town.”

“Correction, I’m the talk of the town, and she remembered you.”

“That’s because I’m hot.”

Devy rolled her eyes. “Ego much?”noveldrama

“Only where you’re concerned. Come on, let’s go get some popcorn and sugary snacks.”

Hayden jumped out of the truck and then helped Devy out. She walked as close as she could next to him without holding his hand. She wanted to, but there was no way she’d make a move like that.

She would wait for him and kind of hoped he wouldn’t wait too long.