The Art of Starting Over

Before the sun rose, Dev sneaked out of the house as best she could. Crow would hear the door squeak and suspect either someone had left or that someone was trying to break in. She hoped for the former because she didn’t want her dad scaring Maren this early in the morning.

Devorah made her way to the docks. She found a dry spot and watched the crews get ready to head out for the day. If this morning’s sunrise meant anything, they should have a decent catch, which would make everyone happy. Cash in their pockets and good eats on the table were never bad things.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been down to the docks to think. This was where they had spread her mom’s ashes, and Devy would come here to talk to her mom. Her visits started out daily but slowly turned into every other day or every few days. Those turned into weekly visits, and then she’d only visit on the anniversary of her mom’s passing or when it was her mom’s birthday.

And then the visits stopped altogether, right around the time she’d started dating Chad. When the anniversary date flew by without a second thought, Devorah mentioned it to Chad, stating that she needed to go visit. He told her it was stupid and that her mother wasn’t really there, and she was just making a fool of herself.

Devorah believed him. She stopped going and even left for college without saying goodbye to her mom.

Now, she sat there, with her knees pulled to her chest and tears trailing down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe them away. Devorah was angry. At herself, at her father, at life and how unfair it could be. But mostly she was mad at Chad for what he’d done. Not only now, but when they’d started dating. He should’ve been accepting of her need to talk to her mother, even though her ashes were long gone. If Chad had truly loved her, he would’ve been supportive.

Instead, he’d mocked her.

It wasn’t the first time, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

Devorah sat there with the pink-and-orange morning sky guiding the boats out of the harbor. Silently, she wished them well and recited the fisherman’s prayer. Around her, the sounds of Oyster Bay soothed her. Birds squawked overhead, following the boats as they motored away. The seafood market opened its bay door, and she could hear the hum of the ice machine. Behind her, she heard footsteps and prepared for the dock to wobble from someone stepping on it.

What she didn’t expect was for her father to sit down next to her. His woodsy scent, mixed with the lingering tobacco of his cigar, was a smell she’d never forget.

Crow sat as close to Devorah as he could get. She was tempted to lean into her dad, but she resisted. Since their family dinner, a few weeks back, Devorah and Crow had turned a corner. Things were good between them. Better than before.

They sat for a bit until he broke the silence. “Does she ever answer you?”

Devorah shook her head. “Nope. I haven’t been a very good daughter for the past two decades. I wouldn’t talk to me either.”

“That’s so far from the truth, Devorah. You were and still are the best daughter. Your mom and I were very proud of you, and I have continued to be since the day she passed. I . . .” Crow took a deep inhale. Dev glanced at him. He gazed straight ahead. “I failed you and Colt after your mom died.”

“You didn—”

Crow stared at her sharply. “I did. I didn’t handle your mom’s passing well, and the only thing I knew to do was bury myself in work and try to make things seem as normal as possible. I thought if everything stayed the same, life would go on. By the time I realized it, you were walking out the door for college. That day, I sat in my chair and stared out the window, wondering if you forgot something and you’d be back so I could tell you how proud I was of you and how I wished things could’ve been different.

“I failed you as a parent. I was supposed to be there for you, to love and protect you from the likes of Chad Campbell. I’ll never forgive myself for not stepping in. I wanted to forbid you from seeing him, but by the time he’d wormed his way into your life, I’d lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me.” Devorah hugged her knees tighter to her chest.

“Short of putting you in jail, you would’ve continued to see him.”

He wasn’t wrong. Devorah nodded. “He made me believe he was all I needed.”

Crow sniffled. Dev looked at her father, and her heart broke instantly. He had tears in his eyes. While they were reconnecting, she still didn’t feel they were close enough for her to show him much affection, so she sat there.

“As much as this is going to hurt to hear, he’s done you a favor, Devorah. You’re far too good for the likes of him. The best thing is to get him away from Maren. Give her a chance to grow up without him manipulating her.”

“I think I want to stay in Oyster Bay.” Devorah shrugged. “It’s still small-town hell, but since reconnecting with Laila, she’s been showing me that living here isn’t all that bad.”

“And Hayden?”noveldrama

She shrugged again. “He’s a bonus, for sure.”

“He’s sweet on you.”

Devorah looked out at the water before Crow could see the smile form. “You’ve said that before.”

“I mean it. He’s a good man. Comes from a great family.”

“Yeah . . . ,” she said, trailing off. Hayden had so many positives. There were two things holding Devy back. First, she could still see a faint line where her wedding ring used to be. She tucked her hand inside her sweatshirt to avoid looking at her finger. Second, she’d been down this road with Hayden before and wasn’t willing to do it again. While the sneaking around and secret make-out sessions had been exhilarating as a teen, they were adults now, and no one had time for those shenanigans.

“I want you to promise me something, Devorah.”

“What’s that?”

“That no matter what, you don’t give that man a second chance. He doesn’t deserve one. Not after the way he humiliated you, but especially after he disrespected your vows. No man deserves a second chance after cheating on his wife.”

“I promise you, I won’t, Daddy.” Giving Chad another chance was never going to happen.

Crow turned sharply at the sound of her voice. She saw tears in his eyes. “Hearing you call me that . . .” He pushed his fingers into his eyes and shook his head. “After all these years, it does something here.” Crow put his fist over his heart. “I love you, Devorah. I know I haven’t said that nearly enough in your life, but I hope you know that I do. I love you. Maren. I can’t thank you enough for bringing her home to me.”

Devorah somehow managed to get from her seated position and into her father’s arms in a flash. She cried into his shoulder as he wrapped her tightly in his embrace. “I love you too, Daddy,” she said into his neck, wet with her tears.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t a better father.”

Devorah nodded. “But you’re here now.”

“I am, and I’m not going anywhere.”

After another embrace, they parted and continued to stay on the dock until the alarm on Devorah’s phone sounded. It was time to get Maren up for school and then start her day at the Lazy Lamb.

Crow and Devorah walked through the parking lot and across the street, where they encountered a very angry Maren standing on the porch with her hands on her hips.

“Don’t look at your grandpa like that,” Crow said as he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder. “Come on, let’s make pancakes.”

Maren squealed. Devorah followed slowly behind them, loving their bond. It was something she used to have with him until her mother died, and while she had missed it growing up, she was thankful Maren had this side of Crow now.

While Crow and Maren worked on the pancakes, Devorah took stock of her life. In one month, her life had changed for the better. The dark, dreary, never-going-to-survive days seemed to be behind her. Each day when Devorah woke, she vowed to make the day great. Despite her marital woes, she had a lot to look forward to each day. After walking Maren, and sometimes Conor, to school, she came home and showered and then headed to work at the Lazy Lamb. Devy wasn’t killing it in tips, but her weekly paychecks made sure she could buy whatever Maren needed without having to call or depend on Chad.

Dev still hadn’t called him, out of stubbornness. She didn’t want to talk to him and hear about how fabulous his life was with Ester. And as far as she knew, he’d only called once to speak to Maren. Per Theo, Devy kept track. She saw it in her daughter’s face each time the phone rang, and it wasn’t her father on the other end.

After breakfast, Maren got ready for school while Dev prepared for work. When they opened the door to leave, Conor and Hayden were standing at the gate, waiting for them. Devorah smiled and ducked her head, trying to hide her excitement from Hayden.

She followed behind Maren. While she and Conor walked ahead, Hayden fell in step beside Devy and held her hand for a second to let her know he had indeed caught the grin she’d tried to hide from him.

They dropped the kids off and walked toward the Lazy Lamb. Every so often, Hayden would reach for her hand or put his arm around her. They passed by people, saying hi and wishing them a good day. When they came to one of the newer cafés along Main Street, they stepped inside and ordered coffee; he then walked her the rest of the way to work.

Outside the Lazy Lamb, Hayden trailed his fingers along the underside of her cheek to her chin and lifted her head gently so he could look into her brown eyes.

“Have a fabulous day, Devorah.”

The moment Hayden’s head tilted to the side, she knew what was coming. Yet, when his lips pressed to hers, she was surprised. He had kissed her outside, for all to see. And when he pulled away, he had a shit-eating grin on his face. Hayden knew exactly what that kiss had meant, even though it wasn’t much more than a lingering peck.

He walked away, chuckling. She watched him, with her fingers touching her lips. “Evil,” she said to whoever could hear her.

The rest of her day flew by. She had regular customers, could make most any drink they ordered, and had memorized the menu. Never in her life did she think she’d actually enjoy slinging drinks at her neighborhood bar, but there she was, having the time of her life.

After work, Devorah made her way from the employee break room to the room near the arcade. She’d quickly learned that Colt let most of the townspeople use the room for free, unless it was a birthday party. Even then, he kept the fee low. Each day, someone called to book the room, and on Saturdays it was only available in two-hour blocks. Devy couldn’t believe how many calls she’d taken during her shift. The people of Oyster Bay liked to have meetings and parties.

She found Laila rearranging the tables and chairs to give the room more of a board-meeting-type feel. After helping her, Devy set agendas out in front of the five chairs that now faced the audience—not that many people typically showed up—and set the rest near the accordion door on a small table.

“Do you remember when we were in high school, and we had to attend at least one meeting?” Devy asked. “These meetings used to be packed.”

“Yep,” Laila said as she set her laptop up. “The meetings used to be at the library in the room in the basement before it flooded. Everyone came to the meetings back then. Standing room only. It’s only been like this the last couple of years. There was a threat to cancel the entire thing until I took over. It’s been a challenge keeping it afloat. The younger generations really don’t seem to care about it, until I say this year’s event is going to get canceled, then maybe one or two people will step up.”

“Maren wants to be the Pearl of the Ocean. She thinks it’ll be fun.”

Laila giggled. “The day she becomes Pearl, we’re putting you on the float with her.”

Dread filled Devorah. “I probably shouldn’t tell you I still have my dresses in the closet at home.”

Laila’s eyes widened. “You do not!”

Devy nodded. “The tiaras and sashes too. I just left it all when I went to college, and Crow . . .” She trailed off for a moment. Things between them were good. From family dinners to him calling to see if he needed to pick up Maren from school or saying he would be late. They laughed at the Crowleys’ now. They hugged, and this morning Crow had told Devorah he loved her. After he said those words, she wept in his arms.

“Well, Crow never went into my room. I swear it was the same as the last time I visited when Maren was about three.”

“How come you guys didn’t come back more often?”

Devorah sighed. “Chad’s parents moved to Chicago, and there was no need. He knew Crow didn’t like him, so to him, there was no point in coming back, and you know Chad couldn’t live without us.” Devy made the gagging motion, which caught her off guard. Her eyes widened as she looked at Laila, who stood there shocked. “What was that?”

“Maybe your mind finally coming to the conclusion that Chad is such a . . .” Laila trailed off, looking at the ceiling as she thought. “He’s such a Chad!” she said gleefully. “You know the way he is isn’t normal, right?”

Devorah nodded. Each time anyone talked about Chad, she saw just how narcissistic he was. As much as she hated seeing the person she had become because of him, she needed the slap in the face to see the error of her ways.

She would come out of this mess as a better person, just to spite him.

“I wish I had seen him for what he was back when we started dating. I think even then I knew, but he was Chad Campbell, and everyone wanted to date him, and he chose me.”

“I didn’t.” Laila lifted her shoulder and straightened a piece of paper on the table in front of her. “He was always such a pompous ass. It was a major turnoff.”

“Why didn’t I see him like that?”

Laila let out an exaggerated breath. “In my most humble opinion, I think it’s because of Crow and how strained things were between you. Colt was gone to college. Hayden too. No one was left to protect you from Chad.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“No, there’s no guessing. He’s a dick.”

“Pretty much,” Devorah said as she inhaled. “But here I am, making amends for the person he changed me into.”

“Have any of your friends from Chicago called?”

She shook her head. None of the other moms from the PTA or any of the clubs she was involved with had reached out. Nor had the neighbors she’d organized block parties with. Not a single woman she had considered a friend. “I’m not surprised. Most of their husbands know Chad. They either all work or play golf together. Just a bunch of Stepford wives.”

Laila came around the table and hugged Dev. “You don’t need them.”

“Nope. I’m a Pearl of the Ocean.”

They snorted and laughed hard. A clearing of a throat had them turning around. They found the Crafty Cathys coming in, led by Hayden’s mother, Darcy. Laila went about greeting everyone and told them all to take a seat.

Darcy came over to Devy, followed by Beatrice Sherman. “How are things, dear?” Bea asked.

“I’m good,” she said. “I’m finding my footing.”

“Theo’s waiting for you to file those papers.”

Devy wanted to roll her eyes. Everyone knew everything in this damn town. “I know. Soon.”

“We’d love to have you and Maren over for dinner soon,” Darcy said when it was her turn.

“We’d like that,” Devorah said.

Up until this morning, when Hayden and Conor had surprised Devorah and Maren, Hayden hadn’t been around a ton, not since construction had started on his home. Part of Devy was relieved because her feelings for him confused her. She was already mixed up enough about life; adding the little butterflies she felt when Hayden was around only complicated her thoughts.

The rest of her missed his company. She enjoyed having him around, and the brief moments, like the coy hand-holding when walking the kids to school, left her longing for more. She could always put herself in his path a bit more, but she’d never been one to put herself out there. Maybe that needed to change.

A handful of locals came to the meeting. They talked about fundraising, volunteers, and how all float entries needed to be in by July 1, along with their entry fee.

“Also, the young women in our community need to submit their applications for the Pearl of the Ocean. Remember, it’s one girl from each grade. Ninth through twelfth.”

“I vote to have Devorah on the float this year.”

Devy looked up from her notes to the audience but didn’t see who’d spoken out, and the voice wasn’t from someone she recognized.

Laila looked at Dev, who shook her head and mouthed, “No.” She had zero desire to be on the float and much preferred being behind the scenes.

When the meeting adjourned, Dev gathered her things and was on the way out when Maureen Stark approached her. She was one of the Crafty Cathys, who, if Devorah remembered correctly, always had something wrong with her, and she always sent out a monthly newsletter recapping Oyster Bay business, her various ailments, and what Dr. McKenna was doing for her.

“Devorah,” Maureen said. “Am I to understand you organize yard sales?”

Devy blanched and masked her reaction. Her job had been more than organizing yard sales. “It was estate sales.”

“What’s the difference?” she asked in a made-up posh accent.

“Well, for one, usually the homeowner is dead,” Devy stated more for effect than anything.

“Oh well, I’m certainly not dead, and if I am”—she paused and looked around—“if this is what death looks like, I want a refund.”

Devorah said nothing.

“Anyway, when can you organize my yard sale? I have many valuable things that should fetch top dollar.”

Devy smiled kindly. She could tell her again about estate sales, but she feared her words would fall on ears unwilling to listen. “I’m sorry, Maureen. With the festival planning and my job, I don’t have the time right now.”

“Oh well . . . I.” Maureen wasn’t used to being told no, and honestly, it felt good for Dev to say it to her. “I suppose I can wait until August.”

“August?”

“When the festival is over.”

“Sure, we can revisit the topic then. Have a good night, Maureen.” Devorah left, needing to get the heck out of there before Tabitha, in her bright neon-pink spandex pants with matching fanny pack, or Anita the thrice-divorced town pauper, could come up to her. Over the last month, Devorah had learned it was Tabitha who’d kept resharing the videos Ester posted. All Dev wanted was for those videos to go away.

Devorah escaped before anyone else could come up to her. As soon as she stepped inside Crow’s house, she felt oddly at peace. It was warm and inviting, something it hadn’t been when she was a teen. Now there was laughter and dinner waiting for her in the oven.

She went into the living room, where her dad sat in his recliner watching the baseball game. “Who’s winning?” she asked, even though it didn’t matter to her, because it did to him.

“Sox by one.”

“Nerve racking.”

“We had pizza for dinner. Maren left it on the counter for you.”

“Thank you.” She leaned down and kissed his cheek without a second thought. She walked into the kitchen to grab a couple of slices of pizza. When she went to open the box, her hand froze. On it was an advertisement for a local church’s annual tag sale fundraiser. She remembered having to volunteer during her reign as Pearl of the Ocean. Devorah peeled the flyer from the box and studied it as Maureen’s request to organize her yard sale popped into her mind. Could she start her curating business in Oyster Bay? She loved planning. It was like second nature to her. So what if it was yard sales and not estates. She put the flyer on the table, to save for later, and then put a couple of slices onto a plate and went back into the living room. “Where’s Maren?”

“Taking a shower,” Crow said without taking his eyes off the television.

“How did practice go?” She sat down on the sofa, with Cordelia at her feet.

“Fine,” he said with a groan. “That Noble boy is going to put me into an early grave. He’s like his father. Never listens.”

“He’s a young kid. He’ll learn.”

Crow huffed. “We’ll see.”

The house phone rang, and Crow groaned again. He kicked his recliner into place and ambled his way toward the kitchen, where the phone hung on the wall. When Colt and Devorah were teens, the cord had been thirty feet long and coiled into a ball from the constant stretching. Crow wouldn’t let them have a phone in their rooms, nor would he pay for cell phones.

“Hello?” he said gruffly into the receiver. Whoever was on the other end should’ve known better than to call the house phone during a baseball game.

The long pause caught Dev’s attention. Crow mumbled something unintelligible and came into the other room.

“That ex of yours is on the phone.”

Devorah sat there staring at her father, who had retaken his seat.

“If you don’t want to talk to him, hang up. And whatever you do, don’t agree to anything,” Crow said as he looked at her.

Slowly, Devy stood and carried her plate into the kitchen. She wasn’t in a hurry to talk to Chad and needed the extra seconds to compose herself. She set it down on the counter and looked at the cream-colored handset sitting on top of the base.

Devy cleared her throat, took a deep breath, picked the handset up, and placed it against her ear. For a long couple of seconds, she listened to the man she’d once loved—maybe even still loved—breathe. She knew he’d grow agitated the longer she took to say hello. The urge to make him wait bubbled. He needed to know he was no longer in charge of her.

Finally, she sighed and said, “Yeah?” It was childish, but she didn’t care. Devy wanted him to know he no longer mattered.

“Devorah?”

Who else would it be?

“Yep.” She popped the p, knowing it would irritate him. It gave her a bit of satisfaction in doing so.

“Hi.”

“Hello, Chad. Maren’s in the shower,” she said. “I can have her call you when she’s out.”

“Yes, that’s fine, but I wanted to speak with you first. She called me earlier and wants to come home for the summer.”

This was news to Devy. Maren hadn’t mentioned going to Chicago to visit her father. Devorah also hadn’t brought the subject up. The less she spoke or thought about Chad, the less depressed she felt.

“And I was thinking it would probably be best for you to return as well. You need to live here, in Chicago. Not some time-forgotten town.”

“Excuse me?”

“Things would be a lot easier for me”—Chad paused—“and Maren.”

Devorah said nothing. She would never deny her child; at least she never thought she would.

“Our daughter doesn’t like it there. Not that I can blame her. All her friends are here, as well as her home.”

This was the first time Dev had heard this. Maren hadn’t said anything about being unhappy. In fact, she was certain their daughter was thriving.

“She has friends here,” Devorah squeaked out, although she suspected her statement wouldn’t matter to Chad because her voice had failed her. She didn’t want to sound weak but suspected that was how her ex perceived her. She wasn’t weak. At least she was trying not to be.

“Don’t be difficult, Devorah. What we’re going through shouldn’t affect our daughter.”

“Yet she lost her best friend because you couldn’t keep it in your pants. Do you really expect her to play second fiddle to your mistress?”

“Ester is more than a mistress.”

“Right, I must’ve forgotten the title changes once your wife moves out.”

Chad sighed. “Devorah.”

She imagined him sitting there, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I didn’t want to bring this up, but the fact is, you’ve gone on dates when you should be focusing on our daughter. Being out, gallivanting with Hayden McKenna of all people. I thought you knew better.”

Devy saw red. She didn’t want Maren talking about her life to her father. What she did was none of Chad’s business. “Are you kidding me?”

“I never joke when it comes to our daughter, Devorah. Her happiness is everything.”

“Then you shouldn’t have shit on our marriage, Chad. What I do with my time is my business. Not yours.” She hung up and then picked the handle up and slammed it against the base three times before resting her head against the phone. Devy breathed in and out to calm herself.

“Mommy?”

“I need a moment, Maren.” Her instant reaction was to be angry with her daughter. Her nine-year-old child who had no idea how to handle adult situations or her manipulating father. Devorah felt her father’s presence in the room, and it oddly calmed her.

Devorah breathed in and out, working to slow her heart rate and curb the anger she felt. She told herself she was pissed off at Chad, not Maren. That he’d likely prodded their daughter for information. He was the one who’d fucked up. Not Devorah. Chad was the one who’d cheated, who’d destroyed their marriage.

She turned to find her daughter standing there with tears in her eyes. How much of the conversation had she overhead? Behind her, Crow stood, scowling. Was his look one of warning to her to tread carefully with Maren? Or was it a result of the one-sided conversation he’d heard?

Devorah took a deep breath. “Did you tell your father I went on a date with Hayden?”

Maren nodded as tears fell from her eyes.

She’s innocent in all of this.

Another deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

“Look—”

“Devorah.” Crow’s booming voice was full of warning. She glanced at her father and saw the slight shake of his head.

Devy crouched, putting her below her daughter’s eye level. Her watery eyes matched Maren’s. She clasped hands with her daughter.

“Did Daddy ask you questions about me?”

Maren nodded.

“I’m not mad at you, sweetie. I’m angry at your dad. He shouldn’t put you in the middle of what’s going on here. I’m sorry he did that.” Devorah partially stood and kissed her daughter on her forehead, and then pulled her into a hug as she righted herself. Maren’s arms wrapped around her waist as Devy looked at her father.

Mother and daughter parted. Devorah cupped Maren’s cheek. “Do you want to go back to Chicago?”

Maren shrugged. “I miss my friends.”

“I know you do. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this. We can go back if that’s what you want.”

Maren shrugged again.

She’d thought about whether she wanted to stay in Oyster Bay, and as of late the answer was yes, but not at the expense of her daughter’s happiness.

“Devorah . . .” The deep gruffness of her father’s voice was gone, replaced with sadness. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see the heartbreak on his face. She felt it, and that was enough. They had finally reconnected, and now she was going to leave him behind. She would leave everyone she loved behind because her daughter wanted to go back to Chicago.

“I can’t, Dad. I’m sorry.” She swiped her hand across her cheek, smearing makeup and tears across her face. She left her dad and Maren in the kitchen, grabbed her purse, and walked out of the house. She needed to be alone.